02-05-13

Dear God,

It's been a hard day. My head and back are really hurting and it seems like one of those days where the pain just never ends. I keep waiting to hear back from the VA, hoping that they've finally made a decision to up my %, but nothing still. I keep thinking about what I'd do with all the back pay, but even with all the plans, mostly, I'd like to go to the doctor and try to find someone, finally, who can figure out why or at least a treatment for the migraines and headaches. I'm just so tired of hurting and feeling like it'll never end. I'm trying to keep having hope and faith that a doc will be able to help, but having 3 different neurologists give up on you makes that hard sometimes-especially on days like today.

Bigdad is sick and won't go to the doctor. I feel like he's giving up and doing what he can to make himself worse so he can go home to be with You. I understand he's tired of all the pain too....but giving up just seems so wrong. I know part of that is that I don't want to lose him and then I feel selfish, but I love him so much and he's such a big part of my life. Then I think he's being selfish for giving up. I really need your help with this situation. I don't know how/what I'm supposed to feel. Do I pray that he gets to go home or that he gets better?

There are a lot of people in my family that could use comfort or blessings:

Winky lost his best friend since practically birth last week. He's such a strong man-especially in his faith-that I know he's turned to You for comfort. I ask that you please let him know that John's in a better place and healed and just waiting for the day that Winky gets there so he can tell Winky a new story about the "best thing ever."

Shannon had a custody hearing today-she didn't get custody, just visitation rights. It seems disloyal to think that this is probably best. Shannon doesn't have a job and has just quit another school. She's planning on starting college...God, please help her to find her direction....and a job so she can pay child support. I know that she's really depending on Mama & Neal right now and I ask that you help all of them to live together peacefully & without acrimony. Shannon just needs to hear You, I think, to know where she needs to go with her life.

This year marks 5 years that my cousin Helena is cancer free. Thank You so very much for healing her! She has kids that depend on her, as well as one of her brothers. She's a good person. If You could help her with her hip, we'd be very grateful.

My brother Terry started college yesterday. I know he struggles with feeling smart enough, please help him to know that he can accomplish anything he wants. Thank You for sending Jamie to him. She's the best thing that ever happened to him and I know that she's had a remarkable influence on him. Please allow Your blessing to continue in their lives.

Grandma Taylor is really sick-both physically and in the heart since Grandpa died almost 2 years ago now. I know she prays all the time, but I don't know that she's hearing You. I ask that you give her some comfort and help her to be less angry all the time. I know I should talk to her more, she just makes it so difficult, so I ask that you give me more patience where she's concerned.

You know more the needs of the rest of the family members. Thank you for all the blessings you've given me and them.

Love,

Me

Dear God

Dear God,

I don't write as often as I should, but I'm hoping to change that. It seems that I only call on you when I need something and I often forget all the blessings in my life. It's hard to focus on the positive when you're in pain all the time and/or worried about bills, family members, the country, the world...or basicly everything. I know we're supposed to turn our worries and problems over to you, but I can't help but keep them on a string and pull them back over and over.

I think I need to start listing my blessings each day so I can focus on the positive in my life:

1-I have a warm & safe home and plenty to eat.
2-I have family & friends that support me and pray for me all the time
3-I have use of all my limbs and senses-so I can read
4-I have wonderful pets
5-My relationship with my mother is better than ever
6-Even though I can't work, I have an income so that I can contribute to my upkeep
7-My medical is paid for, so I don't have to worry about how I can visit the doctor or afford my prescriptions
8-I have my faith

Thank You, God, for all the good things in my life and for the sense to recognise them. I'll do my best to do better to concentrate on them instead of the things I wish were different.

Love,

Me

Divine Alignment

I recently started reading Divine Alignment by Squire Rushnell and in it, it talks about how to pray. It's something most of us do, some without thought, some with careful planning of the words you'll say. I've always found it dificult to express my prayers verbally; I feel awkward and uncomfortable as if I'll say the wrong thing or the wrong way. In the first chapter, it talks about writing letters to God and it was like a light bulb clicked on. Of course! I'm pretty good at expressing myself in writing and I don't know why it never occured to me to put my prayers in writing. Well, the idea's stuck now and that's what this is...my letters to God.